“The view of me is that I am essentially unstable,” James McClean says in a measured tone. “I speak my mind. I talk too much. I hold strong views and oppose everything British. That comes from those unfamiliar with me. In truth it is far different. I am rather ordinary. I train, return home and relax. Many of my days pass in a routine and simple manner.”

McClean appears as composed as he looks lean on a grim Monday in Derry. He completed 14 seasons in English football and although he now conflicts with his club Derry City this does not hide that he ranks fifth among Republic of Ireland internationals with 103 appearances. “Success means different things to different people,” he notes, “yet I am the sole player from northern Ireland to earn more than 100 caps for Ireland. I featured in 150 Premier League matches across five seasons, played 800 professional games and collected numerous personal honours. I regard that as achievement and hold no regrets looking back.”

Yet sadness lingers in how his refusal to wear the poppy on Remembrance Sunday fixtures in England altered his life and career. “It has transformed me completely,” McClean says. “It has turned me somewhat withdrawn since I now distrust many individuals. I have suffered greatly.”

McClean’s book The Walls ranks among the finest sports titles this year. It offers a strong and at times unsettling account boosted by his readiness to portray himself honestly even when unflattering.

I have covered Derry boxing and Bloody Sunday extensively yet returning here clarifies how McClean can honour the soldiers lost in the world wars while recalling the British army actions that claimed many Irish lives in this city.

He hails from Creggan the estate hit hardest on Bloody Sunday in 1972 when 14 unarmed civilians died at the hands of the British army in Derry. Six victims came from Creggan. In 2010 after the Saville inquiry ruled the victims posed no danger prime minister David Cameron expressed regret for the “unjustified and unjustifiable” killings.

McClean was born in Derry in 1989 and records that “learning to prepare a petrol bomb ranked among my earliest lessons. I reached 11 before I truly perfected it.”

He stops when asked how he would react if one of his three daughters or his 11-year-old son made petrol bombs. “I am grateful they never need to. Times have changed. I simply want them to feel proud of being Irish.”

The 37-year-old highlights the difference from his youth. “I was raised in a strongly Republican area still recovering from the Troubles. Gunmen appeared on the streets. Shootings and kneecappings occurred. Reaching my street required passing a lane where masked figures sometimes carried out punishment attacks. Yet fear was absent. You knew you had done nothing wrong. That was everyday life though it was not normal.”

His father Joe Kelly struggled with alcohol in Creggan and McClean spoke with him only once when he yelled at him in the street to keep his distance. Still he recalls a joyful childhood and when his career started at Derry City “I felt completely unburdened”.

McClean was 22 when Steve Bruce signed him for Sunderland in August 2011. He debuted in the Premier League that December after Bruce departed and Martin O’Neill took over. McClean soon became a regular and that first season brought excitement and acclaim. He was quick skilful and controlled. Beyond spending money his main habit was searching his name on Twitter to enjoy positive comments on his performances.

“It felt incredible,” McClean says. “I gave no thought to politics upon arriving in England so until November 2012 when the poppy issue arose I faced no trouble.”

All shifted when he informed Sunderland he would skip the poppy since it also stood for the British army that had long occupied Derry. “No choice existed for me,” he says. “Wearing the poppy simply could not occur. That year proved tough and I felt the club might have managed it better. Yet Sunderland issued a statement ahead of the match that focused all attention on me. It served to shield the club. They stated this was James’s personal choice but we as a club fully back the poppy appeal.

“I wished to issue my own statement but the club repeatedly said: ‘No it will fade. Just let it pass.’ I had just turned 23 and believed the club should protect me which I assumed they were doing. I had been player of the year the prior season yet I sensed they left me exposed.”

McClean recalls: “The following match was at Fulham on a Sunday shown on Sky. A threat arrived that I would be shot if I entered the pitch. I remember Erin becoming alarmed. It seems extreme and some might say you will not be shot on television. Yet the night before officers from the Met police were posted at my door. They treated it seriously which made it feel more immediate.”

O’Neill introduced him in the second half and every touch drew boos from both Fulham and Sunderland fans. The hostility altered his world but McClean continued checking Twitter for his name. He grew angry when someone respectful in person later posted abuse online.

At times McClean would locate the individual and seek an apology. “Perhaps that intensity was always present but it intensified,” he observes.

McClean transferred to Wigan then West Brom where in “the finest sort of intensity” he earned 42000 pounds weekly during his strongest Premier League period. Yet as poppy seasons merged the threats persisted including warnings that Erin would face assault. McClean says: “My response was always to meet aggression with aggression. I entered some matches with the wrong mindset. It was not about aiding the team but hoping to score and silence the critics.”

McClean admits: “There were times I sought out the confrontation.” He shared an image of himself hearing his preferred Wolfe Tones track The Broad Black Brimmer. “I knew precisely my intent,” McClean writes. “It was an IRA song and I knew it would provoke certain people.”

By Stoke where he played 111 matches from 2018 to 2021 his issues in English football worsened. “Brexit amplified the loud voices” and “poppy season appeared to stretch longer each year”. He also erred during lockdown by posting an image of himself in a balaclava with his two oldest children captioned ‘Today’s school lesson History.’

McClean believed he was joking yet his poppy stance remained sincere. “I hoped others might do the same but that did not happen.”

Did he sense greater understanding of his position by his most enjoyable English seasons at Hollywood-linked Wrexham from 2023 until earlier this year? “A little yes. When you clarify it to fellow players and people personally it broadens their view and they say I see that now. Yet the wider British public? I doubt it.”

Looking back on his Premier League time McClean admires Kevin De Bruyne and Eden Hazard. “You accepted some players could achieve feats beyond your reach,” McClean writes. “Yet certain matches left me suspecting unusual physical power. Returning to the Premier League after time away suggested some players gained from performance aids.

“I recall facing one player from my Sunderland days whom I had matched for speed and strength. After my absence he joined a larger club and appeared transformed.”

These claims are bold and although McClean lacks proof he relies on instinct. “I have always prioritised fitness,” he says. “Yet against top Premier League sides regardless of height or build they seem quicker stronger and you wonder how that occurs.”

After daughter Willow received diagnoses of global development delay and autism Erin encouraged him to seek assessment. He was identified as “at the high functioning end of the spectrum” yet he still contends with “likely body dysmorphia or a form of bulimia. Perhaps tied to autism since I maintain strict diet rules 95 percent of the time. But when I cannot train I overeat. So during travel I consume junk until I must induce sickness. I feel guilty afterward and punish myself in the gym the next day which is unhealthy.”

Matters grew more complex after returning to Derry City in January. “I expected a storybook close. Yet promises soon prove empty.”

McClean has not played since July and when asked about the matter he says: “It is poor. It pits player against owner and only one prevails. I suspect that concludes my time at Derry City. You never expect betrayal from your own and it hurts.”

When reached by the Guardian a Derry City spokesman said: “The club cannot address or comment on James’s feelings.” He also denied that Derry City had broken any commitments to McClean.

Earlier this month McClean stated he could not “comprehend or accept” his treatment by the club and that he remained fit despite exclusion by interim manager Mark Connolly. Derry City then issued a statement noting: “The club has aimed to settle this internal issue privately. Respecting confidentiality and the sensitive medical aspects of James’s hip condition the club has avoided public comment until now.”

McClean maintains he could play elsewhere yet how does he view a possible career end? “It does not disturb me since I have boxed intermittently for 10 years and in the last 18 months I have committed fully. I will not pursue professional boxing as it is unrealistic at my age. Yet Misfits have contacted me about a bout.”

Misfits Boxing founded by KSI and the Sauerland brothers features YouTubers and former athletes entering the ring. It draws criticism from boxing traditionalists but McClean expresses interest in debuting once his Derry contract ends: “Boxing provides purpose to rise and train intensely.”

What style of boxer does he aim to be? “I am an aggressive fighter. I prefer staying in an opponent’s face since I possess the stamina to sustain it. I do not claim to resemble Gennady Golovkin or Canelo Alvarez yet I enjoy watching them. I do not seek a boxing career but three or four bouts yearly would suit. Football was always the dream yet this brings fresh excitement and challenge.”

As we ready to exit into rain-soaked Derry reconciliation on the pitch seems unlikely. Yet he glances up and his firm fighter’s expression softens into a smile. “It might prove fortunate,” McClean says gently. “It could turn out to be a fortunate turn.”