My father's dementia care reached $17,000 monthly.
Our family expended over $270,000 to ensure his safety and support.
The emotional toll and financial burden of dementia caregiving proved immense.

My father, a decorated Marine Corps veteran who served in the Vietnam War, fought dementia for more than a decade.

At age 70, having lost both his first and second wives to cancer, he lived alone while grappling with his dementia diagnosis.

The condition rendered him incapable of applying for veterans benefits, managing finances, taking medications reliably, or performing simple tasks like stocking the refrigerator, charging a cellphone (necessitating a landline), hanging up the landline handset (prompting a switch to a corded phone), or inserting hearing aids (resulting in missed calls).

All this unfolded during the height of my professional career and the early years of my own family.

We decided to move him close to us

With my son as a newborn, I often drove four hours to visit Dad if phone contact failed. I set up cameras in his apartment and employed caregivers for twice-daily medication administration and meals.

He started wandering and experienced hallucinatory episodes, leading my dad and me to agree he could no longer live independently, even with in-home professionals. My wife and I chose to relocate him to Maine near us for closer oversight.

Upon stepping from my car, he stumbled, fell, and struck his head on our granite steps, gashing his forehead. In the following weeks, despite constant presence (while serving as stay-at-home dad to three toddlers), round-the-clock professional care became essential. He stayed in our guest room during the search for facilities.

Moving in allowed us to sell his apartment, yielding about $300,000 in savings - his entire nest egg. Added to Social Security and a veterans pension I secured, we anticipated it would sustain him lifelong.

He paid $17,000 a month for a memory care unit

I researched local assisted living options, and consultations recommended a 24-hour secured memory care unit. Three nearby choices existed, including a Veterans Home. Waitlists were lengthy, exceeding a year for the Veterans Home.

Though the Veterans Home offered affordability and camaraderie, the delay exceeded our needs. After months waiting, he entered a private memory care unit 10 miles away. Care was exceptional; he felt content, secure, and enjoyed lighthearted nurse interactions between family visits.

The modest studio in memory care cost a staggering $17,000 monthly. Incidentals, therapy, and haircuts added extra fees beyond the base rate. After nearly 18 months, he passed with mere thousands remaining - unaware due to dementia, sparing him disappointment.

I shudder at options had he survived another year or months longer.

There's emotional and financial stress for families like mine

Elder care expenses are notoriously steep, but dementia elevates them to unmanageable levels for many.

Cheaper facilities exist, yet 24/7 care scarcity complicates matters severely. Medicaid and Medicare intricacies, bureaucratic hurdles, and steep long-term care insurance premiums exacerbate the crisis. Beyond dementia's emotional weight, families confront bankruptcy or unqualified home caregiving - often sidelining a relative's career. We disbursed over $270,000 in his final months.

I ponder if Dad sensed the peril and timed his peaceful exit - holding his granddaughter's hand with me bedside - averting further family strain.

Profound thanks for his quality care; grandkid moments remain invaluable. Yet the literal cost lingers starkly.