With five siblings, I am the aunt to 12 nieces and nephews.
Staying close felt effortless when they were young.
As several have matured, I have needed to invest more deliberately in our relationships.

Among my five siblings, I stand alone without children of my own, which positioned me perfectly as the 'fun aunt' - delivering treats, toys, games, and boundless affection to my 12 nieces and nephews. A treasured photo from their early days shows two nephews beaming at me with pure joy: one a newborn nestled in my arms, the other barely 2 years old. That image transports me to simpler times when mimicking a dinosaur or reading a picture book was enough to make me their absolute favorite.

Then adolescence hit, transforming everything almost instantly. Their tepid replies to my invitations for hangouts signaled waning interest. Many threw themselves into school sports - an area far outside my comfort zone. I winced through every football tackle, gripped by fear of injury, and eventually skipped games in person. Suddenly, common ground vanished as friendships, sports, and self-reliance took center stage, leaving me unsure how to reconnect.

I Couldn't Pinpoint Why Our Closeness Diminished Over Time

My nieces and nephews span ages 7 to 31. The two eldest, living out of state, have sustained steady ties with me through the years. Now in their 20s, they still confide in me, and the oldest even invited me to her wedding - a pinnacle moment in my life. Yet with those nearby, I puzzled over the growing ease turning awkward as they aged.

I consulted parents of older kids, plus my sister and a sister-in-law. Their consistent counsel: 'Just show up and stay present.'

With scheduled outings falling flat, I offered to attend basketball games. I inquired about their latest music favorites - artists mostly new to me - then followed up via text after sampling the tracks. Providing edits for college essays and applications proved a hit with one older nephew. Gradually, I sensed our interactions warming and flowing more naturally.

This shift illuminated why out-of-state bonds endured: proximity bred complacency, while distance enforced effort from day one. I had mistakenly believed local closeness would endure effortlessly. Now, I embrace true intentionality - a process of experimentation and adjustment.

My Own Aunts Set a Powerful Example

Reflecting on my aunts, I always felt truly seen and appreciated. Even infrequent visits brought their warm gazes, gentle touches, and thoughtful questions, affirming my worth. That sense lingers into my 30s. I aim to mirror this for my nieces and nephews, hoping they feel cherished even in quiet moments.

Reality dictates it will never match the toddler era. I am coming to terms with the end of face painting, piggyback rides, and doll play. As an aunt, I did not anticipate grieving those phases so deeply. I still yearn for days when a Moana tune could spark instant grins, yet this phase brings its own rich rewards.

Relating to older kids as an aunt demands heightened effort and imparts lessons in persistence and rapport. Above all, I count my blessings in being aunt to these remarkable souls - twelvefold. They remain the joys illuminating my world.

And I trust they know they have a devoted supporter for life, regardless of age.