This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jessica Chalk from Sydney. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I collaborate with my mother in the company she established, allowing me to observe even minor shifts in her behavior. The initial indication appeared a decade ago, and it was quite understated.

Mom also instructed floristry courses at a local college, yet she began forgetting her login for the classroom. We dismissed it as typical, since everyone misplaces passwords now and then, particularly with age. Soon after, she struggled to recall lesson material she had covered for four years straight.

We arranged testing. The specialist inquired about the current day of the week, and she responded correctly.

We kept returning for clearer answers

We continued visits over two years. I kept pointing out that while she passed basic questions, there were often 10 coffee cups scattered around the house because she would start preparing one and then forget. The family business, For Keeps, preserves flowers and keepsakes by framing them or sealing them in display boxes. I noticed changes in her usual process, such as skipping the setting and drying stage for the blooms.

I accompanied her to the geriatrician and requested improved testing methods. They remained uncertain about the cause.

They arranged an occupational therapist visit. She was given three straightforward tasks: prepare coffee and toast, then sit at the table. She made the coffee, sat sipping it, and when asked if she had forgotten anything, she mentioned only the milk in the fridge. She had overlooked the toast entirely.

Diagnosis of dementia arrived after four years

The entire process proved deeply frustrating. As a family we saw the differences clearly, and it impacted her speech too. She would instruct her grandchildren to fasten their parachutes when she meant seatbelts.

Reaching a dementia diagnosis required ruling out other conditions such as sleep issues or depression. This meant numerous appointments and travel time, all while managing self-employment.

Doctors estimated roughly 10 years from diagnosis to the end, yet a decade later Mom remains with us.

Challenges arose. My sister had young children aged five and six at the time of diagnosis and could not provide full support despite her nursing background. My brothers offered limited help and preferred to avoid personal care tasks. The responsibility fell to me, though I never resented them and they expressed gratitude. In the end I never needed to handle bathing or diapering for Mom.

Caregiving brings heavy demands

The administrative side weighs heavily, both financially and emotionally. It involves constant medical visits, time away from work, scheduling, and emotional effort. Appointments include physiotherapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, geriatric care, general practice, sleep studies, and psychiatry. Someone must attend with her, since she often forgets details discussed.

I had just begun dating my now-husband when the diagnosis came. After only a few months I told him I planned to move home to support Mom until the end, and he needed to decide if he was staying. He chose to stay.

I have had little chance to reflect on the effects. It fell to me to step forward. Dad has Asperger's, now viewed as autism spectrum disorder, which adds further complexity since Mom's changes occurred around someone who dislikes disruption.

At home I often handle double the chores such as laundry, meals, and cleaning because Mom now requires extended rest. Humor helps, and I sometimes tease that she has convenient dementia to skip housework.

Mom must retake her driving test every six months. I understand the reason, yet it adds another item to an already full list. I aim to maintain her independence as long as possible.

Now I juggle my daughter's dentist visits, dance classes, and gymnastics alongside Mom's schedule and running the business. My daughter is five and returns from school to teach Mom words and sounds. It feels as though they learn together.

Caregiving has altered my life in unexpected ways. I feel drained, yet I have always aimed to support Mom properly, uphold her dignity, and ease her progression.